


Lily's Second Chance

by Snakeofthe80s



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Friendship, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Teen Angst, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snakeofthe80s/pseuds/Snakeofthe80s
Summary: When Lily dies, she learns the fate that awaits her son. Desperate to save her baby from that fate, she chooses to go back in time to fix it all, but when she finds herself back in her eleven-year-old body, life takes a turn she never expected.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 26
Kudos: 69





	1. Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> Another story I originally wrote on FF that I am posting here.

"What-What are you saying? You're saying my son, my baby, he has to die? Because of me? Because I died for him? He-he defeated Voldemort, but Voldemort has to kill him? He has to kill my child before he can go down? No, no, this isn't happening." Lily's soul paced the thin floor, resembling wood.

"I'm afraid that's the case." A tall soul man spoke, his voice booming in the room that made Lily think of a mental institution with its floating pale yellow cinder block style walls that seemed to close in on her though they never moved even a millimeter forward.

"No. No, I died to protect him. He can't die."

"Lily-" James's soul started to speak behind her.

Lily looked at the man's white and transparent eyes. "Please? I'll do anything. I want to fix this whole thing."

"You can't."

"You've sent people back. I know you have. Please? Just to the time of the prophecy's revealing, when the seer spoke it. Just let me stop it before it's ever spoken. If no one knows, no child can be targeted and maybe even the Longbottoms can be spared their fate in St. Mungo's." Lily would have choked if she had a throat.

"Just to the time of the prophecy? Voldemort won't be defeated. Your child could still be a target at some point."

Lily raised a translucent eyebrow. "Not if I stop her from saying the prophecy to Dumbledore. I can-I don't know…have her tell me instead?"

"Is that the only thing you wish to change? The only regret you have?"

"Yes." Lily stated quickly. "I want to save my baby."

"I think there's a lot of things you could change if you went back."

"I want this prophecy to never have existed."

"You can't stop prophecies from existing."

"But we can stop them from coming true." Lily narrowed her transparent eyes.

"Only if you change the course of your life entirely. You'll have to be set back much further to fix this. I can tell you that once the person who spoke that prophecy in the first place knows you're dead, he would be very happy to have it all taken back as well. You can go back, but to the start of it all."

"Then I will. I'll do anything to save my child."

"Going back to where things can be changed will change the course of everything." The voice roared. "You must understand that. What you had moments ago at age 21 you may not have at age 21 the second time around. I rarely ever give second chances to souls. Messing with time like this, the course of life will never be the same when it happens. Second chances are only for the most passionate, understanding and willing to do whatever it takes to change their circumstances, even if it means losing everything good they had before. Are you willing to do that?"

Lily did not hesitate. "Yes. I'll do anything for Harry. I'll change anything to make sure he never has to face what he will have to face now."

"Lily, don't!" James finally spoke. "You can't do this."

Lily turned to him. If souls could cry, she would be sobbing. "I have to do this. For Harry. I love you, James. No matter what happens, know that. I have to save Harry. I have to do this. Please understand and let me."

James said nothing. "I can't let you go too."

"It'll be fine. We're meant to be. We'll be back together. But Harry needs us. His life is at stake. He deserves better than what he'll get now." Lily turned back to the man. "I accept. I will accept whatever happens. I want to save my son from this fate."

The man sat there for a moment before pulling out an orb. "Do you promise to accept whatever fate happens this time, even if it means life as you knew it before will not turn out the same?"

"I accept."

"Last chance to back out. Once I let you go back, you cannot come back to your current fate. You have to live life second by second and continue forward at that pace. You must understand what you're doing. Memories you have now will disappear. You'll only remember bits and pieces of the future as you knew it. Any deep memory you have know, of marrying, giving birth, specifics of anything will not exist. With time and changing circumstances, all your future memories will disappear completely. You will not remember any details of anything, you will be just like everyone else your age."

"You're saying all my memories will disappear?"

"Yes. New ones will replace them all. By the time you reach your age now, you will not have one single memory of the former life you once had. You may feel a twinge of forgetting something for the rest of your life. You will not remember this granted request if you succeed in not giving your son, Harry James Potter, the fate he has at this very moment."

"What will happen to him before he will be killed? Will Sirius take good care of him?"

The man sighed heavily. "No. He will live with your sister and brother-in-law until he's eleven. They will give him just enough to survive, giving him their cupboard under the stairs as a room."

Lily and James both gasped.

"She'll what?" Lily exclaimed. "How can she do that? I'd never-if her son came to us-I could never do such a thing!"

"I never liked your sister." James grumbled.

Lily let herself calm down and focused on why she was here in the first place. "So, if I do this, I'll be saving him from that awful childhood as well?"

"You would, but only if you are willing to possibly never remember anything or have anything you had just before your death."

Lily paused for a second, but only a second, before giving the man a nod. "I'm not going to back out. I want to do this. It's the only way to stop my son's current fate."

"Very well then. Your wish has been granted." The man laughed once. "Get it? Like I'm a genie." Lily and James did not laugh. "Your wish-granted. Er, never mind. I've been at this position for far too long. Just a joke. Your request has been processed. You are going back in time and changing your life's circumstances."

Lily nodded. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me. Just do what you need to do to make you content in the afterlife when you arrive again. Hopefully not for a long, long time. Now, sir, you must leave the room."

James stood there a moment before finally sulking out. "I love you, Lily. Save our son." The door shut behind him.

"Lily Potter nee Evans accepts a return to make things right this time around and change the fate of her son, whatever she has to do. She accepts all the responsibility that awaits her. Now shut your eyes."

Lily closed her eyes, listening to the man chanting. "Whatever it takes, Harry." She said to herself. "I'll do whatever it takes to save you from your fate."

**0o0o0**

"Honey, wake up." A soothing voice spoke to Lily. She opened her eyes, hearing the sound of chirping birds. A hand was on her shoulder.

As her eyes adjusted to the room's artificial light, she made out a face. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, not believing who was in front of her. "Mum?"

"Come on, dear. We have to go. I know you don't want to be late."

Lily shook her head again and bolted up. "Mum? It's really you?"

"Who else would it be?"

Lily looked around at the light pink walls; the floral border, her old off-white dresser and pastel quilt, and realized she was in her old bedroom at her parents' house. She was home, which meant that her request had been granted.

Lily smiled and threw her arms around her mother's neck. "Mum." She had to hold back her tears, choking a sob. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Of course I'm okay. Don't get yourself worked up now. You've not even left yet." Her mother's arms embraced her and Lily found herself feeling like a child again.

"Don't tell me she's homesick already?" A man's voice echoed from the doorway.

Lily let go of her mother and her eyes got wide at the sight of her father. She jumped off the bed, ran to him and flung her arms around his torso, causing him to stumble back a little. "Dad? I'm so glad to see you!"

"Well, uh, I'm glad to see you too, sweetie." Her dad's hand touched her hair and she took in his embrace as if she would never feel it again. "But why are so you happy to see me?"

Lily looked up at him. He seemed so tall. "I don't know. It just seems like forever since I've seen you."

"I think she must have had a bad dream." Lily's mother stated.

"Don't get yourself worked up. You'll love the school. I'm certain of it. You'll learn all sorts of new and interesting things and make tons of new friends." Her father stated and then winked at her. "Just don't go dating any of those lads yet."

"We don't want to be late for the first day. You need to get dressed so we can leave soon."

"Yep." Her father nodded. "We're all coming to see you off."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "You mean, you and Mum are?"

"Mum, me, and Petunia."

"Petunia's coming?" Lily let go of her dad.

"Of course she's coming. Her sister's going away for the first time."

"Isn't she mad at me?" Lily was not sure why she thought her sister was mad at her; she just had a feeling that Petunia was angry with her.

Her mother sighed softly. "Oh, she's just being fickle. She's not really mad at you. You're her sister. She loves you."

"First time?" Lily just recognized what her father had said and quickly turned to the mirror and gasped. No wonder she felt like a child. "I didn't want to go back this far. How will this help Harry?" She whispered.

"What did you say, dear?" Her dad asked. "I didn't hear you."

"Uh, nothing. School. We need to go the station."

"Yes." Her mother sighed. "You've never gone away to school before. We're all going to miss you. You best come home for Christmas."

Lily nodded, trying to not hyperventilate. "Of course."

Lily's mum got off her bed. "We'll give you privacy to dress, but hurry up. We need to leave in the next fifteen minutes."

"Okay."

When the door closed, Lily ran to the mirror. "I'm eleven. I'm only eleven! I asked to fix the prophecy, not go back to day one of school. I asked to do anything for Harry, to fix this, even if it meant-" She gasped. "Even if it meant changing everything."

Lily paced the floor. "I can't go back now. I can't move forward. I have to wait a long time for that prophecy to be told now." She paused. "He said I need to just live my life like normal. The goal is to save my son, who does not exist and won't any time soon. But why here? Why eleven? Why back to the very first day of school?"

Lily started to pace again. "There has to be a reason. Maybe if I could remember what it was like before, I could fix it. I didn't think I'd forget everything so fast. I can't recall anything except that I had a son named Harry who would have to be killed by someone if I don't stop that prophecy from being said." She ran her hand through her dark red hair. "There must be a reason I was sent back this far, even if I don't understand it."

She hurried to dress, too tired to contemplate all this right now, and helped her parents load up their car. As she opened the back door, Petunia turned away from her, holding her head up to look out the window. "Hmph!" She folded her arms over her chest. "Make me get up at four in the morning to go to stupid London." She mumbled, but Lily heard.

Lily put her gray and white cat in his cage in the middle between her and Petunia and shut the door to the vehicle as her father entered the car.

"Okay, you have everything, Lil?"

Lily nodded, unable to stop a smile at the reality that she was home with her parents. "Living life over might not be so bad after all." She thought to herself. "I wish I wasn't going away already though."

"Yes, Dad. I've got all my school stuff and stuff I want to bring from home."

"Good. We're all set then. Off to London."

As they drove out of town, Lily laid her head on the car's window with the town's streetlights glaring as they passed them one by one. She closed her eyes and drifted into sleep.  
A mobile played Brahm's Lullaby and she saw an image of her son, her baby lying in his crib, sleeping soundly. The memory faded away. Her heart thumped wildly as she slept and blurred and dizzying images racing through her thoughts. She heard laughing, teasing, but most of the words she could not make out and all the faces were impossible to see.

"You-you're a freak!" "Filthy little mudblood!" "You're great at [sic], Lily." "It's a lily, I made it for you. Thought you might want to hang out sometime."

The array of pictures swirled like she was riding a carousel at a park or the teacups that twirled her around and around. One by one, all the pictures whirled together and the words become mangled to the point that she could not understand. She thought she was falling and tried to grab a pole that was a mirage and fell, swallowed into darkness while someone screamed at her. "Lily! Run! Save Harry!"

An image of Harry came to her mind, her baby standing, looking up with his bright green eyes from his crib. A flash of green light struck her thoughts and she heard a scream for Harry before being pulled away from the picture and back to the dizzying assortment of people, places and voices that blurred into one. Everything spun faster and faster and the more she tried to see who was talking and where she was, the more each image gyrated around her. It seemed like a never ending roller coaster ride that had her looping so fast she could not see where she was at anymore and her stomach was losing the battle with the crazy motion.

"Lily?" Someone called to her.

"Lily, you okay?"

"Lily? Wake up, honey, it's okay."

Lily bolted up in her seat with a gasp, the grass scenery zooming by out the window.

"You okay, sweetie?" Her mother's body was half turned to her from the passenger seat up front.

Lily caught her breath as her stomach gave a jolt and a pang of nausea gripped her like the time she got off the water slide at the water park and vomited shortly after.

"Lily?" Her mother asked, glaring with concern at her daughter.

"I'm fine." She leaned back against the seat, shut her eyes, let out a whistling breath through her mouth and put her hands on her stomach.

"You were screaming, dear. You're sweating too." She handed Lily a handkerchief. "Who's Harry?"

Lily took the handkerchief and dabbed her face with it. "What?"

"You were screaming for someone named Harry."

"I was?" Lily gulped and her stomach gave a flip. She choked back the bile that rose up her throat.

"Ooh, who's this Harry? Your boyfriend?"

Lily turned to Petunia. "No. It was-just a dream-nightmare."

"You don't look so good, honey, you sure you're okay?" Her mum asked.

Lily glanced out the window, watching the sun that was now rising over the grassland, peering over trees in the distance that were barely starting to change into their autumn coat. She laid her head back down, but that just made her stomach churn even more. She rose up. "Dad? Pull over!"

"What?"

"I think I'm going to be sick." Lily saw her parents look at each other for a second. Lily closed her eyes, trying to not puke in her parents' car.

"Okay, just let me find a spot to pull over." Her father stated.

When they pulled off to the side of the road, Lily jumped out and ran over to the weeds. Her legs wobbled unsteadily as she leaned over the grass with double vision, ready to throw up and get it over with. She dry heaved and then vomited. A hand touched her back as she leaned up afterward.

"You all right there, sweetie?" Her dad asked, handing her a paper towel.

Lily nodded and wiped her mouth. "I just-I got carsick, that's all. I'm fine."

"We'll be in London in about an hour or so. You think you can make it?"

Lily nodded again, the vertigo and queasiness suddenly gone. "I feel better now."

She let her dad walk her back to the car. He shut the door to the vehicle.

"That's disgusting. Did you have to barf?"

"Petunia, that's enough. Here, sweetie, drink this." Her mother handed her a glass of something thick and dark.

"What is it?"

"Cola syrup. It'll settle your stomach."

Lily shrugged and drank the syrup that tasted like a very strong cola. The rest of the drive consisted of Petunia grumbling about having to come and her parents chattering and asking if she was okay.

When they finally arrived at the station, Lily was the first one out of the car. A tinge of excitement hit her as she glanced around at the city, watching people walking up and down the sidewalk with luggage or briefcases. She took her cat's cage out of the vehicle.

"This is the train station, Thera. We're going to school."

As her father took her trunk out of the back, her mother was trying to get Petunia out of the car.

"I don't want to go. I never wanted to come in the first place."

"Petunia, you cannot stay in the parking lot. It's not safe for a child."

Petunia narrowed her eyes. "I'm not a child! I'm thirteen!"

"That makes you a child. You will not stay in this car!"

Lily sighed and grabbed her trunk. She waited while her parents tried to get Petunia out of their car, glancing over at the St. Pancras Station across the street before looking back at the Kings Cross station entrance about fifty feet away. With the threat of losing her phone privileges, Petunia finally relented and sulked behind them into the station.

"We're supposed to meet at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. I've never heard of such a thing." Her father stated, looking at her ticket.

Lily stopped near Platform Nine. "She said someone would show us in."

At that moment, a lady with blue velvet robes approached them. She was taller than Lily's father with hair like maple tree bark.

"Platform Nine and Three-Quarters?" She asked with a smile on her cherry red lips.

"Yes." Lily's mother nodded. "Where is it?"

"This way, follow me." They walked to the wall of the platform. "I'm guessing you're the one who's attending school?"

Lily smiled shyly and nodded once. "Yes, ma'am."

"You'll love it." She winked at her. "Take my hand and we'll go. Come on." She stated at Lily's parents hesitation.

"I'll wait here." Petunia said, folding her arms over her chest and looking away from the Platform.

Her mother snatched Petunia by the arm. "You will not."

Lily took the lady's free hand and they ran through the Platform. She winced as they got to the wall, expecting to crash, but they didn't.

Lily's eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open as she looked at the train ahead and all the children and parents around. Some were in muggle clothes like she was and others were draped in robes.

"Wow!" Anticipation of going to school filled her along with sudden nervousness. What if it wasn't what she expected? What if she hated it? What if she couldn't make any friends this time? What if the train ride was terrible? Her last first time she recalled that it did not go so well. 

Most of the children around looked much older than she was and they were boarding the train without any hesitation. She noticed a few kids looking at it uneasily and one girl was crying.

Petunia glanced at the train, looking around with a green-eyed monster.

"Hey, Tuney." Lily stated.

Petunia glimpsed at her and let out a scoff. "Hmph."

"I'm sorry you can't come too."

"Who says I want to come?" 

Lily narrowed her eyes. "But that's not-never mind."

Petunia glared at Lily. "What makes you think I wanted to go to your stupid school?"

Lily shrugged. "It's not stupid! I just thought you did. I know you are jealous-"

Petunia scoffed again. "I'm not jealous! Why would I want to go to a school like that-a school for freaks? That's what you and that Snape boy are-nothing about freaks!"

Lily stepped back, feeling someone had punched her in the stomach. "What?"

"You and that Snape boy are freaks! You're a freak!"

Without being able to stop them, her eyes grew wet and blurred her vision. A train whistle blew.

"Okay, sweetie, it's time to-what's wrong?" Her mother asked.

Lily shook her head, choking a sob back. "Nothing." A tear rolled down her cheek before she could stop it.

"You'll have fun, I promise. We'll see you in a couple months and you can write to us every day if you want? Don't get upset."

Lily nodded and looked at Petunia, anger hitting her in the pit of her stomach. She turned to the train ahead, swiping her tears away with the back of her hands.

Her parents gave her a hug and a kiss and she hugged and kissed them back before getting on the train. She walked down the aisles to find a place to sit until she found an empty compartment and put her cat down on the seat. The kitten curled up in a ball and shut its eyes, clearly ready to relax and enjoy the ride. As she put up a small trunk for the train ride, someone spoke behind her.

"Hey, Lily."

Lily turned to the door, startled and dropped her trunk. The trunk fell on her foot and she let out a cry of pain as she removed her foot from under the trunk, letting it hit the floor with a thud.

"I'm sorry-I-I didn't mean to frighten you. Are you okay?"

Lily sat down and looked up at the person who was speaking. He had black, greasy hair to his shoulders and wore torn and worn trousers with a too large light blue shirt for his body frame and an overcast gray overcoat that should have belonged to a grown man instead of an eleven-year-old. "Severus?"

He brightened as she said his name. She took off her shoe and rubbed her throbbing foot and he put her trunk up before taking the seat directly across from her.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She frowned at him as she remembered how he their friendship had ended and how he had become a Death Eater and then stopped. He was only eleven. There was no Voldemort yet. He was not a Death Eater yet. They were starting over. Maybe she could help save more than just Harry's life. "Petunia hates me. She thinks I'm a freak."

He shrugged. "She can think that, but she's wrong. Forget her. We're going! We're going to school!" The excitement in his voice made her smile. She remembered how excited they were in the past. How new it all was. 

"Yeah, we are." While it made her uneasy to realize she could make the same mistakes again since so many things were a blur, everything seemed new and exciting and it felt like a brand new adventure about to begin. 

The train lurched forward and Lily looked out the window and saw her parents waving. She waved back and watched them until the train left the station, taking her out of their view. 

She sighed and sat back down.

"You think we'll be in the same house?" Lily asked, unable to recall where she had been before. A memory suddenly hit her of being sorted into Gryffindor but the hat briefly contemplating putting her in Ravenclaw. Should she go back into Gryffindor? 

Severus grinned, moving slightly in his seat in excitement. "I hope so. I hope you're in Slytherin."

"What if I'm not?" That's right, he was in Slytherin. It's what put him on the wrong path. Nearly everyone his year in Slytherin became a Death Eater. 

Severus's face fell. "You have to be." His voice got lower. "We won't be together if you aren't."

Lily shook her head. "No but we'll still be friends. Even if we aren't in the same house." 

Severus cheered up at her reassurance. "We'll always be friends. Won't we? No matter what?"

"Of course. We wouldn't we be? House differences won't stop our friendship." As she said that, she wondered if that were true. She pretended to smile as the memories of them growing apart and losing touch after fifth year filled her mind. She hoped not, but something inside nagged at her. Maybe they needed new houses to stop the future.


	2. Fate By A Hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's sorting time and Lily realizes she has the chance to save more lives than just Harry's.

**Chapter Two: Fate by a Hat**

The train chugged along, the rolling hills and grasslands passing by. A girl and boy in their year had joined them in the cabin. They did not really talk, just as nervous and excited as Lily was. A sudden memory hit her. Before she and Severus had sat with James Potter and Sirius Black. For some reason they did not join their compartment this time. There was something about James Potter. Should she go find him to be like before or should she let this change? Fuck, why couldn’t she remember what she was supposed to remember about James Potter?

"Sev?"

"Yeah?" He grinned.

"Besides Slytherin, there’s other good houses too. I mean, they all are, no? In their own ways. The one for the most intelligent-"

Severus smiled brightly. "Ravenclaw. Ravenclaw's for smart kids."

"Slytherin also had-I mean, has-has some smart kids." _Dammit, Lily, he’ll get weirded out. Watch your words._ Lily ran her thumb over her hand nervously, uncertain about all this. Was she this nervous before? She figured she had far more to be nervous about this time. She could screw this all up. 

"It is?" The little blue-eyed blonde boy with a crew-cut spoke. "I thought it was for the mean kids. Most people who go bad were in Slytherin. That's what my brother says."  
Severus frowned. "Well he's wrong."

The boy narrowed his eyes upon Severus. "No, he's not. He says some are good, but many who go bad are in Slytherin. He's a sixth year and a prefect."

Severus puffed his shoulders and scoffed. "What's he? A Gryffindor?"

"No, Hufflepuff. I hope I'm in Hufflepuff too. My mum and dad were in Hufflepuff."

"My dad was in Hufflepuff. I hope I go there." The sandy-blonde, brown-eyed skinny girl with glasses finally spoke. "My dad says Slytherin and Gryffindor are arch-rivals and that they are always against each other."

Lily looked at Severus, who was frowning.

"What about your mum? Did she go here?" The boy asked the girl.

The girl shook her head. "No. She's a muggle."

Lily grinned. "That's like Sev. His dad's a muggle and his mum's a witch. My parents are muggles." Lily extended her hand. "I'm Lily. This is Severus."

The girl smiled. "Jenna."

"I'm Sid." The boy spoke up.

Lily bit her lip. She remembered them now. Sid had died a few months before she had. Death Eaters had murdered him and his parents. She choked back hard. Dammit. She hoped this time he would be fine. "Sev? What if I'm in Gryffindor and you're in Slytherin?"

Severus shook his head. "No way. You're too smart for them. They're all brawn and no brain."

Lily's shoulders loosened their tension and she smiled. "But what if I am? What if they put me there?" It’s where she was before. 

"You know" the boy started. "My dad says if you think about what house you want before you go up to the hat, you'll probably go to that house."

Lily's eyes got wide and she leaned forward in her seat a little. "Really?" She had heard that, now that she thought about it. 

"It's how all my family's been in Hufflepuff apparently."

"So, if I wanted to go to Ravenclaw-"

"Just go up to the hat thinking Ravenclaw. It'll most likely put you there. If my dad wasn't joking to make me feel better." Sid winked at her.

Lily hoped Sid was right. "Ravenclaw's a good house." She paused. “I mean-I think it is.” Foot in mouth Lily. 

"Yeah, it's the house for the most intelligent, but smart kids can be in other houses too."

Lily smiled. "Then I hope I go to Slytherin or Ravenclaw." Despite the smile, she knew Slytherin was not an actual option. They did not accept her "kind." 

Sid shrugged. "I don't think you'll go to Slytherin."

Lily glanced at Severus, who was at the edge of his seat, listening to them. "Why not?" 

"You're a muggleborn. Slytherin doesn't let muggleborns in. They never have. Slytherin is biased to purebloods and lets in half-bloods when they fit in, but that's it. You should try for Ravenclaw."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "That's not true! They'd let her in. She's smart and Slytherin is for smart kids."

"Some kids are smart there. Others are really stupid. It's for the cunning and determined and the purebloods with ancestry there or half-bloods with ancestry." Sid pulled out a book. "They won't let her in Slytherin. Slytherin's never let in a muggleborn and they won't start now."

Severus flopped back against his seat and it squeaked slightly. He grumbled to himself.

Lily looked down at her hand in her lap and turned back to Sid and Jenna, thinking of a way to act like the confused muggleborn first year she was supposed to be. "Are Ravenclaw and Slytherin rivals?" She glanced at Severus, but he was not looking at her. 

Sid smirked as he peered over his book. "Only when it comes to Quidditch.” 

At that moment something squeaked nearby and a slightly bent over woman paused at their doorway.

"Anything from the trolley?"

Lily looked at the assorted treats and smiled. Jenna shook her head no and Sid got some beans, twisted flavour crisps, pasties and a couple frogs. Lily looked through the items as her stomach rumbled with hunger having neglected breakfast that morning. She ended up buying a handful of goods.

As she opened her first treat, the food croaked, which alarmed her. As she jumped in surprise, the frog leapt from her lap to the ground and hoped out of the cabin. How had she forgotten they did that? 

Severus spit his bean into a napkin, making a face. "I think I got tree bark." He leaned forward to look at what she had in her hand. "Who'd you get?"

"What?" Lily raised an eyebrow as he pointed to the card. "Oh, right, um, someone named Dodie Schoolcraft. Says she's Chair of the Department of Healers at the Ministry of Magic. Schoolcraft found a cure of the long troubled and rare fatal ailment known as Magenta Fever in 1932. She was born in 1901." Lily looked up at Severus. "A healer.

"They cure stuff-cure any ailments."

Lily smiled. "With potions and stuff.” 

Severus nodded.

"That's a job for witches and wizards when they grow up."

"Uh-huh."

Lily smiled. "I think I might do that when I finish school then." She paused before mentioning an auror as another option to consider. 

The train rolled along, passing into the low mountains. A few older young men and women came around and told them all to get changed into their robes.

After Lily untucked her hair from out of her robes, she smoothed them with a grin. They were soft and warm, and they felt natural to her, like she belonged in these robes and had worn them forever. 

By the time she got back to the cabin, Severus was already dressed. A voice came over the train.

"We will be reaching Hogwart's in about five minutes. Please leave any luggage on the train. It will be taken in separately."

Lily's stomach churned with butterflies. Severus's face looked more pale than usual and their cabin companions did not look any better. Jenna twisted her fingers and bit her lip while Sid kept combing his locks down with his hand continuously.

The train slowed and finally lurched to a stop. Lily found she did not have to walk out of the train as people graciously sought to push her out. The chilly air hit her instantly once she was out on the tiny platform.

Severus stood beside of her while the waited for instructions of where to go and what to do. The older children all walked on toward what looked like some sort of old carriage. A lantern bobbed in the air and a voice rang out.

"Firs' years! Firs' years over here!" The large man startled Lily. She'd never see anyone so big in her life. Then it hit her who he was, and she sighed with relief. Hagrid. Good ol’ Hagrid. The man's eyes darted around the group of gathered children. "Any more firs' years? No? Follow me then. Mind yer step, now!"

Lily followed Hagrid, slipping and stumbling down the steep, narrow path. Nobody really talked along the way and she could hardly see her hand in front of her face.

"Yeh'll get to see Hogwarts in a sec, jus' round this bend."

As Lily reached the edge of a large black lake, which sparkled under the moonlight, she saw a huge castle full of turrets and towers and windows seated atop a mountain on the other side.

"No more'n four to a boat."

Severus stood staring at the castle as she grabbed his wrist, alarming him.

"Come on, let's make sure we get in the same boat." She saw him grin.

They got in a boat with two other young girls. One was the girl Lily remembered from the London platform who had been crying. The small curly blonde sniffed with her fingers at her mouth as she bit at a piece of candy. The girl shivered and Lily wondered if it was the cold or nerves or perhaps a bit of both. The other was a tall girl with thick, curly black hair and ashy skin. Wait. She knew them. The nervous girl was in Ravenclaw and she became a healer. The other was Liza. Lily swallowed so hard her throat hurt. Liza Murray, another Ravenclaw, had been murdered by a Death Eater in 1980 for not siding with them. _Please don't let that be her fate again_

"Is everyone in?" Hagrid shouted a few minutes later. The man had a boat to himself. "Appear' so. Right then-FORWARD!"

The boat suddenly rolled forward, all the boats sliding together at once. The lake rolled under their boat slightly in the bitter wind. It stung her face as it splashed up. Lily was so enamoured seeing the huge castle again, she hadn't been paying any attention to where the boats were headed. Even the nervous girl was now staring in awe.

"Heads down!" yelled Hagrid out of nowhere. Lily ducked her head as they approached the cliff and proceeded through a curtain of ivy that hid an entrance. They tunnelled under and Lily racked her mind to remember how this had gone before, but everything was blank. Nothing was familiar. Why couldn’t she recall how her first year at school had started? The memories she had this morning now seemed scrambled. 

The boat slowed and came to an abrupt stop. The nervous girl scrambled out first and backed away from the boat.

"Looks look everyone's got everythin'? Follow me."

Lily pursued Hagrid's lamp with the others up a passageway in the rock until they reached damp grass and headed up a flight of stone steps to a huge oak door.

"Everyone here with all yer stuff?" Hagrid knocked on the door three times and it swung open to reveal a tall, black-haired witch in turquoise robes. Lily decided that whoever this woman was, she was probably not someone she wanted to provoke. Wait, she did know her. It was-

"This is Professor McGonagall."

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here."

Lily looked around at the huge entrance hall as they entered the castle.

"My house could fit in here." Lily whispered to Severus as they walked by the lit torches along the stone wall, their footsteps echoing along the path. “Maybe two of them.” 

They passed a flagged stone door with numerous voices echoing out into the hall. Lily thought they were going to enter the room with the other students, but they went on past and piled into an empty chamber.

"Welcome to Hogwarts. The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you can take a seat, you will be sorted into your houses. This is an important ceremony, a sort of rite-of-passage. While you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with your house, sleep in the house dormitory and spend most of your free time in the house common room. The four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history, and each has produced exceptional witches and wizards. While you are here, your triumphs will earn you house points and any rule-breaking will cause you to lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points will be awarded the house cup. This is a great honour."

She glanced over them. "I suggest you all smarten yourselves up. You will be sorted in front of the rest of the school in just a few minutes. I shall return when we are ready. Please wait quietly."

When she left, the room buzzed with hushed chatter, a mix of anxious and excited tones. The little curly blonde girl was biting her nails, breathing heavy like she was about to have a panic attack.

"I heard the hat gives you a test." The tall girl from the boat whispered to Lily.

Lily's stomach lurched. "A test?" Had she forgotten about a test. She couldn’t recall one and figured it was a lie. 

"That's what a boy told me on the train. I think he was just messing with me though because he seemed like an arrogant know-it-all."

Lily's heart fluttered with her stomach. "I hope I get into Ravenclaw."

The girl nodded. "Me too. I heard it was the smart house. The boy on the train talked about Gryffindor for the brave. He apparently doesn't like Slytherin, says it's where the evil ones go."

"Slytherin's not evil." Severus interjected. "It's for-"

Sudden screams emerged from the people near the door. Lily turned to see what the commotion was about. Two ghosts floated from the door and stopped at the group.

"New students? That time of the year already? Good luck with the sorting." They floated on and as the went through the back wall, a sharp voice spoke up.

"Move along. The ceremony's about to begin. Form a line and follow me."

Lily thought her legs had turned to stone as she stood behind Severus with the nervous girl behind her. They left the chamber and went back through the hall and through the double doors into the Great Hall.

She had to stop herself from gasping at the thousands of candles floating in the air along four tables. The plates and goblets looked like they had been made from solid gold. A long table stood at the front where several adults were seated, and Lily smiled as vague memories of them emerged. 

Lily found herself facing all the hundreds of other students and swallowed hard, her heart racing like she'd just run a mile in ten minutes. Lily looked at Severus, who was staring up at the ceiling, or where a ceiling should be, but it appeared to open into the night sky. She turned to the nervous girl.

"I'm Lily." She whispered with a smile, recalling she had not spoken much to her back in the day.

The girl nodded. "Beatrice." She mumbled.

"Are you as nervous as I am?"

The girl nodded.

"Maybe we'll be in the same house?"

A stool was suddenly placed in front of them. It was patched, filthy and looked tussled with age. The hat suddenly twitched in the room's abrupt silence.

A rip at the brim opened like a mouth and Lily stood in shock with the others as the hat began to sing.

_"I may be old,  
And I may be frayed,  
But I guarantee you'll never see  
Another hat quite like me. …  
Place me atop your head,  
Do not fear,  
For I am a thinking cap!"_

The room burst into applause and the hat bowed before becoming stiff again.

Lily swallowed, unsure if she fit in any of the houses at the moment. Why did everyone have to watch? It would be easier if they could do this without the whole school staring at them. It must have been even worse when she was eleven in body and mind. 

"When I call your name, you will put the hat on and sit on the stool." McGonagall stated. "Adams, Benton."

A tall, strawberry-blonde boy with a round face moved out of the line. He put the hat on his head and sat down. There was only a brief pause.

"Hufflepuff!" The hat shouted. A table on the right suddenly cheered and clapped. He left the group and took his seat with the Hufflepuffs. Lily was not paying close attention to the sorting but saw the far-left table explode with noise and some boy with eyes like stones walked over.

"Black, Sirius."

A boy with black hair strutted up. He put the hat on his head without a care and sat on the stool.

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat called.

A table on the far right exploded with cheers.

"I'm not sure I like Slytherins. They look rather mean." Lily whispered, watching the Slytherin table, suddenly uneasy.

Severus looked stunned. "What do you mean they look mean?"

"They look like they want trouble, like they aren't nice people. I hope you don't do there." Lily was not sure why she suddenly disliked Slytherin. "You should try to come where I go. Maybe Ravenclaw. You're smart. You'd belong there." She spoke all this quickly and Severus just looked at her for a moment.

"But Slytherin-"

"Please don't go there." She grabbed his arm. "I don't-I just-I don't have a good feeling about you going there."

Severus just glared at her, his eyes mixed with confusion. "But the hat decides."

"You heard Sid."

"I think he's wrong." Severus's whispers softened.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "But what if he's right? I have a feeling he’s right." She gulped. 

"Evans, Lily."

Lily's eyes got wide, her stomach did a flip and her heart gave a sudden jolt. She stepped forward. _Think Ravenclaw. Think Ravenclaw. I have to change things._

She put the hat on her head and sat down on the stool as the hat brimmed over her eyes until all she could see was the inside of the hat.

"Hmm," a small voice spoke into her ear. "You seem familiar." Lily gulped. "I see you are set on Ravenclaw. You are rather brave, full of courage. Certainly, you want to go to Gryffindor?"

Lily shook her head and thought _Ravenclaw sounds better._

"You sure? Gryffindor definitely suits you-you sure? All right then-better be"

Lily paused with the hat, holding her breath and closing her eyes though she could not see anything. "RAVENCLAW!"

The hat's voice boomed out into the hall. She took off the hat, her legs shaking slightly like rubber as she proceeded to the cheering table on the left.

A large hand took hers before she could even sit down. As she turned to see what was going on, she saw Beatrice Flannery putting the hat. Her face was so pale that Lily thought the girl might faint.

After a moment, the hat's voice echoed across the room. "RAVENCLAW!"

Beatrice took a seat beside of Lily.

As Lily waited in anticipation for Severus's name, her mind wondered back in curiosity. Did she belong in Ravenclaw? The hat was insisting on Gryffindor. She hoped she was not making a huge mistake in her choice. 

Sid was sorted into Hufflepuff and so was Jenna. Finally, it was Severus's turn. He walked up and put the hat on. It seemed like forever to her but was only probably hardly a minute or two. Lily held her breath.

"RAVENCLAW!"

Lily let out a breath and opened her eyes again. Severus came over and sat on the other side of the cheering table. She had not expected him to end up in Ravenclaw. She was certain he'd go into Slytherin. It was all he talked about since they had met. It was where he had gone before. This change with them both should change a lot. He could make new friends. Friends who were not Death Eaters. But what about Harry’s father? She wished she could remember who he was. 

She was hardly paying attention to the headmaster's short welcome speech until everyone clapped. Food suddenly filled the dishes in front of her. She had never seen so much food. All she had eaten was sweets that day and her stomach growled, suddenly ravenous now that the sorting was over. She greedily piled her plate with pork chops, boiled potatoes, Yorkshire pudding and peas and forgot all about silly houses.


	3. Back to School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily begins Year One a second time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is continuing to stay safe as many places are still being plagued by this pandemic. Let's hope it is gone and life can get back to normal by summer. Take care y'all.

As Lily savoured the potatoes, she saw Beatrice nibbling on just roast potatoes and peas and nothing else.

At the same time as Lily opened her mouth to ask Beatrice if something was wrong, she saw Liza jump. Turning her head to the right to see what the scare was, a silvery glimmer caught her eye as she saw a pasty ghost in a long elegant cloak that touched the floor with flowing locks to her waist. Her face was stern and self-important, and Lily figured she might have once been a beautiful woman while alive if not so toffee-nosed in appearance.

"That's the Grey Lady." A boy with a round face and hair so light Lily had to look twice to see that he had any hair at all and a prefect badge on his robes spoke. "She's the resident ghost of Ravenclaw Tower."

Lily half-grinned as the dinner disappeared and desserts filled the table. She eagerly scooped up some ice cream and listened to conversations around her. Some of the upper years were discussing classes and professors while the first years chatted about family and what the classes would be like, what the dorms were like and other uneasiness that plagued them.

Liza chattered quickly. "My parents are muggles. They were quite shocked about me being a witch, but happy too. What about you, Lila? Was that your name?"

Lily shook her head and turned to Liza from glancing around the room as she tried her absolute best to remember anything about this place. "Oh, um, it's Lily. And me too. My parents are muggles."

Another girl with this bushy strawberry blonde hair, deep blue eyes and tons of freckles leaned closer. "You're both muggleborns?"

Lily nodded.

"How did your parents react? What'd they think? Is it weird for muggles to have a witch child?"

Lily shrugged. "Shocked at first, but happy. They're proud of it, I think. It's different, but I don't know if it's weird. Just not aware of this-of wizards and things."

"Are you half?" Liza asked the girl.

The girl shook her head. "I'm pureblood, but blood's a joke." She turned to Beatrice, who was sucking on gelatine. "What `bout you? What's your blood?"

Beatrice glanced up. "My mum's a muggle. Dad's a wizard." She was barely heard over the noise of the room, but Lily still heard her.

"So, you're a half-blood. What's your all's names? I'm Sinead McDonnell."

"Eliza Murray, but I go by Liza usually. Eliza's fine too."

"Lily Evans."

Sinead turned to Beatrice. "And what's your name?"

Beatrice mumbled something.

"What?"

"Beatrice. Flannery."

Sinead turned to a small boy beside of her and began to ramble about her family. "My older brother went here, but he's done now. I hope we have transfiguration first. I've heard it's one of the hardest subjects besides Arithmancy. You can't take that until you're a third year though."

Lily pushed her ice cream away, her stomach full and her eyes weary from the long day. Others were still eating and chatting, but all the chit-chat bothered her for some reason. She saw a dirty-blonde, blue-eyed boy talking excitedly to Severus while Severus nodded and looked half-annoyed. Turning her attention away from her table, she glanced around at the others. There were literally hundreds of students and most chattered away. Most already had friends. At least the older years did since they'd been here before. Some of the children looked more like adults, which was rather unnerving. She had forgotten what it was like to be so young with so many people older than her. 

She began to ponder what it was like last time she was here. Who were her friends again? What, was she in Ravenclaw? Maybe she was a Gryffindor like the hat mentioned? She caught her breath. She remembered earlier. Why did she forget what house she went into before? Dammit, was Severus in Ravenclaw before? Or did she convince him before? Or was in Slytherin like he wanted? The hat knew what they wanted, but also went with where they fit. And why, oh why, was not one spot of the school familiar? She went here before, so something should be familiar, should it not? Maybe she was just too tired to remember any of it. She was told she wouldn't remember hardly any of her former life, except the goal to save her son from dying, but did that really mean she wouldn't remember what the castle was like? What house she had been in? Who the father of her son was? 

Now she was struggling to recall what her first year classes were or what they’d been like. Why were the very memories she had this morning about her former life beginning to fade? Was this what they meant when they said her old memories would become new ones. Was that what was happening? Her throat constricted a little and her heart started to race. A painful aching gripped inside of her and squeezed at her heart. Her eyes glossed with tears as she realized it would years before she could hold her son again. 

No one would know why she was upset if she suddenly started to cry. She swallowed back the lump in her throat so hard, it became a little sore. She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall and bit back a sob caught in her throat. Lily bit her lower lip as it trembled. In order to get her mind off Harry, she turned her attention to the high table. The headmaster was chatting with a very short professor, but Lily could not see his face. He looked like a dwarf, but without the features of a human dwarf.

"Who's that?" Lily asked the boy with light hair again. 

"Who?"

"The man talking to the headmaster?"

"You mean Flitwick? He's the Charms professor and Head of our House."

Lily half-smiled. Ah, yes, of course. She ought to have remembered him. "He looks friendly."

"He's very nice and a really great teacher as well. You'll love him. He's half Goblin but lacks the arrogant qualities." Yes, she remembered him being one of her favourite professors before. The memories were quite vague of her classes with him, but she did recall his good nature. 

Lily suddenly thought of the Goblins at the Bank in Diagon Alley. She remembered them when McGonagall had taken her and her parents in to exchange money for wizard coins. Her impression of them wasn't very positive as they seemed to have an air of superiority about them.

Before she knew it, the dishes had cleared, and the room has gotten silent. She wasn't quite sure why until a voice rang out, turning her attention to the high table up front.

"Ah-hem, may I have your attention?" He paused while everyone turned their attention his direction. "Just a few announcements before you head off to bed for the start of a new term and a brand-new year."

Lily saw all the pupils of her year listening just as intently as she was, determined not to forget anything important. Or at least that was her goal in listening to Dumbledore with such intent.

"All first years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to everyone. Our older students would do well to remember that also. It's not a safe place to roam."

 _"Stay out of forest. Got it."_ She noted to herself mentally. _Dangerous creatures there. That I know._

"Our caretaker, Mr. Filch, has asked me to remind you all that no magic is to be used between classes in the corridor."

_"No magic in the halls. Got it. Expected rule again.”_

Lily realized that all the rules were things that, once mentioned, she recalled them. 

"Now, before you go, let us all sing the school song, shall we?" While Dumbledore smiled, the other professors seemed indifferent. 

With a flick of his wand, a long golden ribbon flew out like a bird and rose high above them and twisted into words. "Pick your favourite tune and let's begin."

Lily paused, unsure what to do or what tune to sing.

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something please," The whole school bellowed with some melodies she had never heard before and some that were more familiar. She wasn't sure what to sing so she just followed a soft melody close to what the slightly chubby, sallow skinned prefect with hair like a tangerine near her sung. She glanced at the others around her. Liza was copying the blonde prefect while Sinead bellowed it to _Danny Boy_. Severus wasn't singing at all and Beatrice was moving her lips, but it was obvious she was just pretending.

When it finally ended, everyone clapped, but Professor Dumbledore clapped the loudest. "Music is truly a magic all its own. Now, off you trot to bed!" _Well, no new rules to recall. Those were same as always._

Lily followed the prefects out of the clamouring crowd of the Great Hall and up the marble staircase. They were followed by the Gryffindors at first but split a few floors up. Lily was suddenly curious as to where the other house dorms were but was too tired to ponder it much.

Just as she began to wonder how many floors it was to the dorm the prefects opened a door and Lily glanced up at the winding stairs. She mentally moaned and drug her feet up with the others. Finally, after what seemed like ages, they reached the top where a large door stood. There wasn't a handle or a keyhole, only a door knocker shaped like a bronze eagle. She nearly jumped out of her skin as the knocker spoke to them.

"What is light as a feather, but no human can hold it long?"

Lily looked around at the others, uncertain what to do.

"Air or breath specifically." The boy prefect spoke up after a moment. The door opened. "You will be asked a riddle each time you want to enter your dorm. It will change every other day. Come along."

When she entered the common room, she glanced around in awe. It was a wide, circular room. There were shelves of books and tables and chairs scattered nicely about. Everything was blue and bronze and Lily wondered what it looked like out the large arched windows with silks blocking the view and hiding the night. She glanced up at the domed ceiling with painted stars that looked close to the real thing. Despite being in a tower, the room did not feel the least bit claustrophobic.

"Follow me." The girl prefect spoke and took them through a door. A statue made of white marble stood nearby that looked a little like the ghost at dinner.

The male prefect took the boys through a door on the right. Lily followed the girl prefect through a door on the left. Her eyes darted around her room in marvel; the beds covered in dark blue silky drapes were lovely. Upon finding her bed, right in the middle of the other beds, she flopped down with delight. It was so soft that she started to sink comfortably into it.

It did not take long to drift into a deep sleep, feeling like an infant where being cuddled in a blanket all warm and soft and with a full belly was enough to rest for a long time. A good night's rest was something she needed and hoped to get. Though nothing about the place was familiar, it was like she belonged here. 

However, a good night's rest was not what her mind had planned at all. Quite the opposite. For a few hours she was fine, entirely in a non-REM sleep, but when she had fully drifted into the REM part of sleep, her mind was at great unease, images swirling it again, random ones she had not seen and wondered if they were real or if she was confused. So much had happened today alone that she was not sure who was who. The faces were not visible, blurred to her.

It was similar to before as if she was spinning so fast on a ride, she was unable to see straight. Someone was laughing. No several people were laughing. A hand reached out to her, the voice calming. "It seems crazy to wait." The male voice spoke. "Be a family. Have a baby." There was a pause and the hand pulled back. "Never mind. We won't." Lily reached out to whoever it was, just as he vanished before she could see him.

"Wait!" She cried out, but only silence followed her echo.

"They're not as great as everyone thinks they are." Someone snapped from behind her. "Think they're so perfect. They aren't."

As she turned around, whoever was behind her had vanished, leaving her alone. Only silence came around. She sat in the dark, the silence haunting when a door appeared. As she walked toward it, it seemed to keep getting smaller and smaller and the floor underneath her swayed like cushion. She collapsed to the ground; the air suddenly tight in her chest. Trapped! She was trapped!

When she glanced up, the door was in front of her. In a hurry to get to her feet, she nearly tripped, but the ground was now solid. There was a soft lullaby, Brahm's Lullaby, that emitted from the room as she touched the handle slowly as if it would burn her somehow. Upon entering, a white crib stood in the corner. A baby was asleep inside of it. It had to be Harry. She tiptoed closer, hoping to not wake the babe, but when she leaned over the railing, the baby's face was difficult to decipher. He looked the same, like her baby. Or at least she thought so. The black hair and...green eyes. The infant looked up at her. Yes, green eyes. It was her baby.

He stood up and Lily found herself being pulled away. The baby cried out. "Mama!" Tears rolled down his cheeks, but his face was still impossible to decipher, almost unrecognizable in its current form, blurred out in some way. Her stomach churned in horror as she realized something was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. A flash of green light startled her, and she screamed.

Lily bolted straight up in her bed. The room was still dark, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. Her silk bed drapes swayed. A soft wind pierced the cracks of the windows in a comforting lull. Though the room was a snug temperature, beads of sweat pricked her forehead and around her nose. Her stomach gurgled in sickness as nausea hit her like a ton of bricks. She tossed back her sheets and hurried out to the bathroom.

She dry heaved, but her stomach was empty now that it had been hours since she had eaten, and nothing came up. Her stomach relaxed after a few minutes and she began to feel better and hoped none of her roommates had heard her retching. She splashed her face with cold water and let out a heavy breath as she leaned over the sink. Her hands shook as she continued to splash her face, water dripping from her hands.

After she had dried her face, she glanced at herself in the mirror. Pastier skin than usual and deep red locks slightly frizzed stared back at her. While she could not recall what she looked like before her death or even how old she was when she had died, it still was a surprise to see her eleven-year-old self. She had a long way to go until she would be able to fix anything. Why eleven? An ache crept into her heart. It was like something was missing in her life. Not her son, she knew that, but something else. Something bigger. And the man in her dream...was that her husband? Was that the baby's father? How could she save her son if she couldn't remember who Harry's father was?

"That stuff's meant to be. There's not a need to worry. I'm certain we'll end up together again." She mumbled to herself. "It's fate after all...who you end up with, isn't it? Yes, so no need to be concerned.” The man's words of never mind to marriage stabbed at her. "Just a dream, Lily. It wasn't real."

Upon re-entering her dorm, everyone was still asleep. She let out a deep breath, glad no one had woken up because of her. As she tiptoed to her bed, she saw moonlight glowing delicate and warm through the curtains. With her face against the cold pillow, she let out a soft sigh. Harry. She let her eyelids fall, trying to picture her son in an image that was clearer, but she came up empty. No matter how hard she tried, her baby's face was not quite visible. Harry's face was leaving her? But why? Why couldn't she see it? What happened? She saw it this morning.

Lily bolted back up, panic-stricken. Something was wrong. Why would she forget him already? She'd done something wrong. She must have messed something up already. Maybe...she was too tired to think what had gone so wrong. Something had changed from before, but what? Was it really true that she was slowly going to forget everything as she made new memories until not one single speck of her former life would be attainable to her? Maybe that was why she was forgetting Harry. Her new memories had already begun. Too tired to think anymore as tears pierced her eyes, she curled up in her sheets with the whistling wind against the windows calming her into sleep.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" Someone shouted and banged a wooden mallet against a cymbal.

Her eyes rammed open in shock. A pillow flew across the room and knocked the cymbal out of Sinead's hand.

"Hey!" Sinead shouted. "We have to get down to the hall for breakfast. Our first class starts this morning, Caroline!"

"It's Caraline!" The girl in the far bed Lily had not really met yet shouted. The girl was taller than her, slightly heavier, but not overweight, had straight jet-black hair and olive skin. Caraline, yes. It was an unusual name for either world. Caraline had a child at 17 and she didn’t know what had happened to her after school. 

"And we know we have class this morning. It doesn't justify your needless banging!" The girl huffed as she walked by Sinead, snatching the cymbal from the floor. The two had a brief tussle over the mallet before Caraline caved as Sinead refused to hand the cymbal over. Beatrice snuck around them for the bathroom and Eliza ignored them all. 

Lily entered the bathroom to get ready for the day. The warm water helped her body feel more alive as she showered. She tried to push thoughts of Harry out of her mind as she washed her hair. She had to focus on basic right now and not think of a possible mistake she made yesterday. As she began to wash her body, she noticed her slightly budding breasts and grumbled to herself. Being eleven meant she was only entering puberty. Dammit she was going to have to go through all that again. Well, at least she would have another year before she would have to concern herself with monthly cycles. One less thing to dislike about being young again. She turned off the water and finished getting ready for the day. It was time to start her Hogwarts days once more. 

Peeves. If only Peeves had been one thing she had remembered. Even if she could not recall such a menacing being from before, she remembered him now. She learned quickly to avoid the poltergeist after he pummelled her and others with sticks on their way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

She also discovered that the school was a confusing place and dammit, she was unhappy that she had been made to forget that. There were more than a hundred staircases in the school. Sinead corrected her to say there were exactly one hundred and forty-two staircases in the school. Lily did not need her help.

The stairs were so many different sizes and shapes. Those that were narrow and rickety unnerved her where if she slipped, she would not have to worry about making it to class on time or anywhere ever again. She also learned that some had a vanishing step the hard way. A bruised kneecap on the way to her first class served as a reminder to watch out for those from now on.

The doors were just as bad. Some refused to open unless you tickled them just right or said please in a pleasant tone, which wasn't easy when you were in a hurry. Some doors weren't even doors, they just looked like them. Everything seemed to move and change, and it was almost as dizzying as her dreams. Thanks to the help of some ghosts, she and the others managed to get to their class. A little late, but they got there, nonetheless.

Severus sat beside of her at the table. There were strange pictures on the wall, some of which she found quite gruesome with blood and twisted body parts. She had to turn away in disgust.

"Everyone in your seats. Wands down, books on your desk and keep them closed." A harsh, scratchy voice spoke. Lily shut her book and shifted her eyes to the woman as she proceeded up the aisle. Her cheeks recalled the appearance of sucking a lime and bore years of wear and a permanent frown. She did not even smile as she turned to them. "Defences are necessary in our world. Without them, you don't stand a chance here. See these images? These are what will happen to you if you can't learn to defend yourself against jinxes, hexes and most of all, curses. At a later date, another year perhaps, you will learn about the most awful curses known to wizards and witches."

Lily watched, moving slightly to her right to see what the woman was writing.

"The darkest of magic that leaves deep traces and can have permanent effects on the human body and mind and the unforgiveables. However, we will start with the basics. First, we'll learn lecture. In a few weeks, all lessons will move to a mix of lecture and practical with beginning ways to defend yourself against jinxes and hexes both enemies and older students may throw at you." The professor turned to the board and scratched out something.

"Okay, wands away for today. Books open to chapter one. Beginning of Defences Against Jinxes."

The rest of the day, Lily wandered around the school with Severus, trying to get used to the fascinating place and learn how to get around and not get lost. They failed at the latter. Astrology was at the top of a tower at midnight that night and they got to look out at the stars. Having a class in the middle of the night was something she never could have done had she gone to a muggle secondary school. 

Lily's first class was Herbology on Friday, which was out in the greenhouses behind the castle. Professor Sprout was a podgy witch and Lily was right at home in class. Poor Beatrice turned rather green at the thought of pus and squeezing stuff out of it and Lily thought the girl was going to be sick and they hadn't even done anything yet. Night Gaswingers, Devils Snare, Biting Trappers and other plants she could had forgotten existed made the subject seem interesting to her. 

As much as she thought she liked history in school, History of Magic bored her to tears. If only she had not forgotten how Professor Binns taught the class with his monotone voice. Outside of that, the other classes were mostly enjoyable. Transfiguration and Potions classes made her feel like she was at home again. They got to do a very basic potion first class and though she did make one little mistake, she was glad to actually do something besides lecture. Charms was where she felt most at home. The entire lecture was like she was rereading a book she’d read before. A book she loved. 

Lily did not have another nightmare the rest of the week, weekend or the following week. She had been so busy trying to keep up with her classes and locations and learning the school, her mind was too distracted. After the first full week, she was finally settling into the routine and had a good grip on where her classes were. Things were good...at least for the moment.


	4. You Know Who

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has another dream and discovers more about Voldemort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter but wanted to get this updated.

** Chapter Four: You Know Who **

September and October had come and gone and November had brought with it frigid weather and heavy rains before it reached the frosty, snowy days of December. Christmas was around the corner and Hogwarts was in a cheery and festive mood. With the break upon them life at school had become hectic, but even Peeves had taken the festivities to heart and tossed popping holly berries and exploding tinsel at the students.

Still, she had a favourite spot. The library. Something about it just mesmerized her. It was as if she had been here a thousand times before and it was home. The look, the warmth, even the smell seemed so familiar, yet so strange and new, but it was like everywhere and everything else lately. Everything about Hogwarts made her feel like she belonged here. Despite remembering nothing, she also seemed to remember everything. It was an eerie feeling to know you'd been somewhere before, an entire building for years, but couldn't recall any memories of being there. Not one single thought or even a tiny little memory was able to come to mind. She knew she'd probably been here thousands of times before, but maybe not. She liked books before and school and studying and classes, didn't she? Well...maybe not studying. Who liked to study anyway?

Lily sighed as she sat across from Severus, who was scribbling away on his homework. She and Severus spent many days in the library doing their homework. The school work was all new to her, but she was a fast learner. Severus already knew some things, which was a great help to her when she felt completely lost on the material. It had worried her that she would be so far behind everyone else being muggleborn, but that did not turn out to be the case at all. There was so much material that even Severus was not far ahead, but he was like a sponge when it came to the work.

"Sev-" She started, but before she could finish, a loud bang and guffawing caused her to jump and turn to the direction of the library entrance.

A boisterous group of first and second years entered and the librarian loudly cleared her throat for their attention. "Quiet!" She spoke in a loud whisper. "Or you will escorted from the room!"

The boys voices grew to a soft rumble as they proceeded through the library. She recognized a couple of them from her classes, but most she had never seen.

A boy with coal hair and eyes like smoke walked by them and sniggered. "You know, the school does have showers."

Severus glared daggers at the boy and made a grab for his wand.

Lily frowned with a disgusted "humph" at their rudeness. "Really? Maybe you should go take one-oh, my mistake, soap can't wash away arrogant!"

The boys chortled with an "ooh."

"You're a smart girl. Why spend your time with such a-with a little git."

Severus slammed his book closed and Lily had a bad feeling about it.

"Sev, let's just go. We can study in the common room."

Severus gripped his wand tight before gathering his things with her. As she started to exit, she heard a thud and loud sniggering.

A quick turn of her head and she saw Severus on the floor and a light from his wand emerge. She cringed as the boys all pulled out their wands, too stunned to think of what to do to stop them.

She did not have to do anything as the librarian had come running and stopped the duel before it escalated and the boys scattered.

Lily was happy when they were both back in their dorm, but Severus never seemed all that happy with the house like she was. Then again, he really didn't seem happy with any house. Unlike Severus though, she managed to befriend her roommates and classmates much easier.

Severus may have been gifted with school, but he was not so gifted at other things, like socializing. He struggled to get along with his classmates and make friends. It seemed she was the only one willing to be his friend sometimes. She knew he was not the nicest person or the easiest person to get along with, but she liked him anyway.

_**0o0o0o** _

While she liked most of her classes, her roommates were great and she loved her house significantly, she could not escape the feeling that she was doing something wrong. The man she once saw in her dreams had slowly become invisible to her and seemed so far away, no matter how much she tried to reach him. Each nightmare showed him less and less visible as if her mind was blanking him out. Something in her heart told her with each nightmare that in her attempt to relive her life, she had changed the course of everything. She knew the consequences when she said asked to come back to save her former child's life, but what if she had messed up everything somehow without realizing it. If she could only remember her life before and some of the important details, but she just couldn't, not even the small details. If only...but she knew it was too late. She could not fix what had been done this time and even if she could fix it, she didn't have a clue as to what needed fixed.

The baby in her dreams seemed to slowly move further and further away with each dream she had of him. At first she could see his face and the details of a nursery and she could hear him cry and hear the crib mobile playing music. Then the mobile moved, but no music came out. The features of the child's face became harder to recognize. The nursery seemed to fade away inch by inch as if the room was being remodelled.

In the last dream she had, no noise came from the room at all, but she could see a baby crying and a mobile moving. The walls around her were blurred as if in watercolour. Just as she wondered if she'd gone deaf, a figure approached the room. Shadows hid his face behind a dark hood, but she saw pale hands float out of black robes. One of the pale hands held a black wand tight, but daring and erect her direction.

"Move aside!" The icy voice bellowed out.

Frozen with fear and warped with confusion, she did nothing for a moment. "Wha-what?"

"Stand aside!" His voice boomed as his wand shook in apparent rage.

Through the hood she could now see eyes, round and dark. A chill ran down her spine at the emptiness and evil that emitted from the person or thing's eyes. Adrenaline immediately filled her body.

"Run", the voice in her mind spoke, "run now." As her eyes darted the room for a quick escape, she saw the figure had lunged for the crib. The baby, he wanted the baby.

"NO!" She cried out, which startled the man. "Not the baby!"

She had no time to react or think as he turned on her with a pure wrath in his eyes. It was just a moment, it happened so fast, but she could do nothing. It was too quick to even realize what had happened.

A flash of green light emerged from the wand as he yelled out strange words. They were the last words she heard before she plunged into darkness.

It took her a moment to realize where she was as her eyes adjusted to the dark room.

"What's wrong-what happened?" A voice spoke nearby.

"Huh?" She touched her forehead and removed her hand as something damp hit her fingertips. Sweat. She was sweating.

"You were yelling. Did you have a bad dream?"

Lily let out a whistling deep breath. "Yeah-just-just a bad dream. I-I'm fine. Night." She curled back up under the covers.

"Okay. No more dreaming about people trying to kill you though. I'd scream too."

She turned over onto her back. "Kill me?"

"Well you said don't kill me, don't kill him and started to scream your bloody lungs out. You sure you're okay?"

Lily nodded and then realized Liza couldn't see her in the dark. "Fine."

"It's almost time for the holiday; don't let bad thoughts get to you. I don't believe the nonsense anyway. A wizard who wants to kill all muggleborns and muggles. There's no point to it. Don't let the silly talk get to you."

Lily was awake now. She was a muggleborn. Maybe that was why they were after her and the baby. Perhaps the baby was also a muggleborn. Wait, no. She was certain that baby was hers in the future. Maybe she married a muggle or a muggleborn. Wait? What would that be called? A quarter-blood or still a half blood? Still, maybe it was why she and the baby were killed in her dreams. "Huh? What talk? Who wants to kill muggleborns?" She could hear the panic in her own voice and cursed to herself. 

"People just talking. I thought it was what you were dreaming about."

"No." Once she said it, she instantely regretted it.

"Oh-never mind then. You shouldn't worry about that either then. I think they just want to scare us. The Slytherins that is."

Lily turned over to the direction of Liza's bed. Now that her eyes had adjusted, she could see the faint outline of her roommate. "Why would they want to do that?"

"Cause they're mean. They just want to scare people and pretend they are more important. Don't worry about it."

"Who?"

"Who what?"

"Who is trying to-well, claiming they want to kill muggleborns and muggles?"

"Someone they call just You-Know-Who. I don't know his name. Just that people don't want to say his name."

Lily blinked and glanced up at the smooth bronze ceiling that appeared brown in the dark shadows. "Why don't they say his name? Does he not like his name?"

"I think people don't say because they want to talk about the evil." Lily could hear Liza sigh. "He has ideas about people. Bad ideas about people who aren't purebloods. I heard Caraline say that her mum said that some people-some purebloods like those ideas. You went to muggle school too, right?" 

"Yes. Before here."

"So you've heard about Hitler then?

"Yeah, some. How he did not like Jewish people and killed millions of them. Are you saying this You-Know-Who is like a Hitler?"

She could faintly make out Liza's head nod. "Yes, sort of. But like Hitler and the Nazis, You-Know-Who and his followers don't like people who aren't purebloods."

"But why though? I've not ever understood why that is?"

Liza shrugged. "I don't understand either." Liza turned over. "Don't stress about it. According to Caraline's mum he's mostly just talk and not doing much."

"Yeah, maybe. I hope so." Lily let out a heavy internal sigh as she watched drops of rain hit the shadow of the window against the deep bronze curtains.

It was only dream. Just some silly nightmares...that wouldn't go away and kept getting worse. A silly dream that she doubted was a dream at all.


End file.
